Dear Diary,

I broke down on the phone w my mum today... I know US has been great so far but I am sad. Gor hasn't been exactly nice to me and J has been ignoring me since even before I left. My life is in such a turmoil and I feel like there's no one I can turn to. Cause I prefer to keep my relationship private and that has made me bottle up my feelings so often. I used to be able to tell j and he'll be there. But now, everytime I tell him, he feels that I'm pushing him away. And if I don't tell him, I feel he's drifting further. I don't know what to do really. I know Ive changed. But I'm trying. I'm really trying. But it feels that for every effort I take, it's one less responsibility for J and he becomes slipshod.. Why is it so difficult?  We used to be so so close but now I just feel that my time is up and I'm of no use anymore. I yearn to be treated as I should be.. But I just get ignores. What have I done wrong to deserve this diary? Am I just not good enough?

:( :'(
M
new past