Had a presentation done today and another one tmr.. this year has been crazily busy thus far. Not that it is a bad thing cause I'm doing what I love (baking) and teaching (church). Haven't had time to start my tuitions and piano lessons but I will soon!!! So much for graduating in 4 months. I can't wait for the weekends!



Throwback to snow + winter + fun in Beijing! I miss everything there and I will tell you about my exchange in abit :)

The best way to get over something, is to be overwhelmed by something worser.. 

The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.

You're coming back tonight. I can't wait to see you. Come back safe bee. Miss you ❤️

 Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely, and we’re left with only the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of it, to stand there trembling not moving, assuming the worst that can happen or we step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant. 

I'm completely terrified. I thought I was getting stronger.. that maybe the prayers were working. Dear God, I just need a miracle.

 If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: We all want everything to be okay. We don’t even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough. 

And I want you to know, no matter what flaws we had, or rather I had, as long as you were there, it was enough for me. You were more than enough for me. But you don't know that cause I was afraid. And I still am. It's time I let you in, if I want to stay right in your heart.


I wanted/went to donate blood yesterday and as expected- I wasn't allowed to because of my low iron levels/iron deficiency. Well I wasn't that taken aback because half the time I wanted to donate, I couldn't, for exactly the same reasons. And when I do get to donate blood, I merely passed the level required. This time round though, being my usual paranoid self, I went to google the effects of iron deficiency hahha.

Those listed here are more relevant to me

1. You're exhausted.

The most common symptom of iron deficiency, it's also possibly the most difficult one to detect. "Women are so used to having frenetic lives and feeling tired that they often just dismiss being tired as part of life." However, iron deficiency causes less oxygen to reach your tissues, so your body is deprived of the energy it needs. If your "normal" fatigue is coupled with you feeling, weak, irritable or unable to focus, iron (or a lack thereof) might have something to do with it. After all, there's a reason people whose iron deficiency progresses into anemia are often said to have "tired blood."

2. You feel anxious for no reason.

As if your life wasn't stressful enough, iron deficiency can trick you into feeling even more anxious. A lack of oxygen revs up your body's sympathetic nervous system, which is kind of like your body's gas pedal. Plus, since iron deficiency can send your heart racing, it's easy to feel like you're in fight-or-flight mode even when you have every reason to feel relaxed.

//could this be the reason why I tend to pick on things? Or I worry too much/think too much? You've said that to me before and I tried to be "simplier". I wasn't able to make a connection then on why I kept being anxious when there's nothing to be anxious about because I do trust you. I hope it isn't too late now for you to know that I tried though..

3. You're losing your hair.
Iron deficiency, especially when it progresses into full-blown iron deficiency anemia, can cause hair loss. It sends your body into survival mode, so your body channels oxygen to support vital functions as opposed to ones like keeping your hair intact. Don't panic if there are a few hairs in your drain, though. Most scalps lose about 100 hairs on a good day.

//YES. Now I know. My hair has been thinning in recent years and exacerbated after I reduced my diet. I do not merely lose just 100 strands of hair. I lost enough hair to know it's not merely 100 strands a day!!!

4. Your heart is pounding.

An overworked heart can end up suffering from irregular heartbeats, heart murmurs, enlargement, and even heart failure. Before you freak out, don't. For things to get that bad, you would probably have to suffer from iron deficiency anaemia for quite some time, suggests a review of cardiomyopathy and iron deficiency in the Texas Heart Institute Journal.

//Do you remember when we were fighting and I told you my heart hurts? No just emotionally but physically? Ever since our quarrel the pain came back again :/

5. Your head hurts.
An iron-deficient body will prioritize getting oxygen to your brain before it worries about other tissues, but even then, your noggin will still get less than it ideally should, Berliner says. In response, the brain's arteries can swell, causing headaches, according to the National Headache Foundation.
source:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/01/iron-deficiency-signs_n_5043342.html

I've started taking Iron supplements (given by doctor at the blood bank). It’s my 2nd day on it and I'm taking a step at a time. Basically I'm just seeing how it goes before I do make myself go through a more comprehensive blood test. But for now, I hope you do understand I was trying. And I still am.

Still missing you loads bee

I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.

I hope you miss me as much as I did. // I'm so tired but I can't fall asleep. I need you bee ❤️



:( I really wish I am stronger than that. Every quarrel I have to be the one that goes to you. No matter who is wrong. Why can't I mean more to you? Do you really matter so much to me that even though you hurt me so much I swallow my pride and still throw myself at you? Are you really that important to me? Why can't I live each day without you like you can without me? Have I lost my mind? Is this the life I want to lead? Believing you and your promises after every quarrel but yet every new challenge we take you fail me no matter what.

And I can't tell you all this cause the moment you know you'll want out immediately.

I'm so tired. Am I your girlfriend? Or am I just a trophy to you?

Despite all these, I want you, more than ever. But I am just afraid to let you know how much I really do love you..

Simply cause everyone's sleeping and I woke up SUPER early (as usual). Time check, 5.55am goshhhh. Anyway my day to phuket was crazy hehe first time w gramps from both side!!!

SG -> Phuket:
FREAK OUT cause I realized my phone was missing JUST BEFORE boarding the plane IN the toilet. Was scolding myself silly cause I didn't bring a hand carry bag along so my phone was sticking out of my butt pocket and my mum warned me it was dangerous but I was like it's okay~ THEN THIS HAPPEN HOW AM I GNA TELL THEM!!! Anyway I mustered the courage and meekly asked if my mum took my phone and she was like yes (not excluding the told ya so smug face LOL). Security check before boarding the plane, it was round 2 of FREAK OUT mode cause I was carrying my ahma's bag and there was a fold-able scissors inside!! But the problem was that the scissors was no where to be found!!! So literally each piece went in through the scanner 1 by 1 to cross that out that it doesnt have the scissors...till I found the scissors in my ahma's jean wrapped in paper!! Was freaking out round 3 cause the flight stewardess came to tell me to hurry up I offically was the last passenger(from being early!!!) Phew, talk about crazy hehe :p

Flight was good my sis and I watched home alone 2 it was funny ahahah and it kept us occupied till the crew told us it was landing and we had to keep our lappy.

Phuket day 1:
collected the rental car w my dad while the rest headed to our hotel (Marriott Vacation Club) w the airport bus to check in first. HAD AWESOME DINNER FOR 8 PAX for only 2500baht which is like 100sgd? But think authentic thai food, w fresh fruit juice.. over looking the sea (though it was dark.. but there was the silhouette still!...and we had to change to indoor seats cause it started drizzling!!) So yum so yum so yum!!!! :) After dinner we headed to Tesco/Lotus to buy food/snacks heheh my sis and I went crazy I think there's more than 10 packs of chips. Damage 3000++ but mmmmmmmmmmm (don't you dare stop me heheh). Yup so that's all for day 1 I think I'm gna catch the sunrise!!

Can't wait for more to come! :))))
new past